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For a fuckin city I swear I'll never go to again, I sure as fuck seem to keep ending back there. Good old fuckin L.A. Kick me in the balls now. That place is a fuckin nightmare and like the capitol of a whole lotta shit and types that make me wanna adjust my long distance scope. Now I ain't closed minded.....You get cool and asshole types wherever ya go. But damn that population in that town bulks the numbers like Sam Rothstien. Ed Hardy, hair gel and the land of spray on tans and everyone is an actor or producer including your waiter. Its like a capitol of walkin cliches and everyone wears sunglasses at night. There are some good people out there though. Where they are tho..... I just don't know. I'm playin sorta and I do fuckin got love for Muska so that means something.....maybe?
I almost didn't even make it there cause I almost missed the flight and offered the physical challenge double dare style to an overzelous hallway moniter before I even got to the terminal. That was all one sentance. Dont listen to your english grammer teacher. My public restroom curse is still of the highest order and saftley remains intact. What the fuck yo, seriously......every damn time? I then almost had a Duece Bigalo episode where I was nearly obducted by some womans vollyball team. I now know how girls feel in jock bars. It was actually pretty comical tho. Like I was on a hidden camera show. or some shit. I was on the mission though and I got nothin but love for my Nike crew and would fuckin go to some cornfield in Iowa and shit would be off the hook. We also had some serious work/binge drinking on the Mike Jordan credit card to do.
In keepin with Nike tradition, my homeboys did it the livin fuck up. Got picked up in the fully open bar stretch limo from that nightmare they call LAX. Fuck that airport. What was dope though and helped break down the high ratio asshole factor was my limo driver. I never play the "too cool" bullshit with anyone and ya'll should do the same. This dude was funny as fuck and good people....a rarity round them parts. I wasn't in my room for 30 seconds and the rooms I-pod dock was actually smokin. I'm tellin you yo. Fuck electrical equipment. I didn't even have time to stress cause within the next 35 seconds the homeboys started pouring in.
It was the usual instant good times and all you heads out there that buy SB realize where your doe-low goes. Everyone involved is good people and that camp gets what they deserve. Nike also informed me that Lair is gettin a featured add that they're runnin in all the mags. What the fuck? Yup. What was even better was Lair extended family and forever little Lair brotha Todd Jordan was shootin me for it. Not only can Todd nollie backside flip any gap known to man, my dog gets down with the cameras on the professional level as well. Keep your eyes out for it this summer and hate all you like, cause it don't matter. Then go back to the foodcourt with the rest of the herbs. ALso be on the lookout cause a bunch of my Nike click are coming to Lair for an overdue visit. Last jam was off the fuckin chain.
I never met this Janowski cat before...... or maybe I did, but either way it wasn't quite on this level. Homeboy was a good dude and I'm amped for him. AFter the gangsta hugs and what ups to all my swoosh homeboys we dived right into the party. I was amped to see another OG Zoo homie ANthoney Correa. Homies doin good in life and just got married and opened a shop himself in Houston Texas. I watched this brat firsthand fuckin slay it over the years and was amped to hear he was goin at it harder than usual. Fuck yeah homeboy. I also ran into my man Blair Ally. He works for the mags and stayed with me on previous Natty Kon missions and is good times. Tyler Tufty was also another extended Lair dog in on the drunkin shitfest that was soon to commence. ANother fun chap was Tylers old roomate and fuckin ripper Dan Murphy. That kid is good times and fun people as well. Darin O,Brien was the ringleader and was leadin the charge. The girl and Chocolate squads also joined the traveling beerfest.
Details are already fuzzy at this point but I can tell you I was on a fuckin Disco bus with the Lakai team. HA HA AH. That sounds so stupid and full of shit but it is what it was. This skateboarding world is a motherfucka. Me and Tyler were bustin chops and yellin at the "Lakai spies yo!" and yelling out completly random shit. Cali kids are more reserved for the most part and I could give less of a fuck. Go chill in your sweater vest over there! I'm ova here! Yaheardme. AH HA HA. It was drunkin madness and all good times and before I knew even how I got onto the bus I was being brought down some sidestreet into the club.
The place was an upscale joint but we won't hold that against them. I don't do the dress up shit honestly unless I'm in court or at a wedding. Our crowd almost always pisses off security at establishments like this. Add completly open bar and a fuckin Absinthe Fairygirl running around throwin out flavored shots of that firewater.....holy shit talk about an impending shit show! And it was.....so fuckin fun.
I ain't even gonna try and explain how's or why's cause there is no point or recolection but at one point I was talkin to a homeboy and felt a smack on my back. Usually the scenario is completly different and I can telkl you I've seen it all but the last thing I was prepared for was a girl with a 8foot long Boa snake dancing on the bar. This girl brought flexable to a whole other level......along with the nature channel. Apparently she didn't care for me not payin attention cause she told me all about it after. Hate Hate hate, cause it don't matter. NIke also hired a bunch of burlesque and other adult entertainers for the evening.....ah but with a touch of class now huh?SUre. Man there was a whole bunch of random craze goin on and it was craze proper. Endless thanks take 3000 to Darin Obrien and the whole NIKE squad. It felt like a fuckin dream right up until I pulled back up to LAX and my mellow got completly harshed. That Absinthe is some fuckin shit let me tell you johny. Holy shit. My head was thumpin and I didn't even have time to go to bed..... that shit would have to wait. I was back in that hellhole of a building hoppin back East where I belong. I got more fuckin work to do yo! T.Jordan and Tyler were meetin me in a few hours right off the damn plane to press rewind and more craze.....with firearms. Wait for the add dog. Thats how a real program gets down.
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